Good Convo about God's reality in my life

me: And about the God stuff, i feel the same way about certain things in my relationship with Christ. I feel alot of times that I hit a wall and can't get past it to grow any deeper.
for me I believe it is because I don't know how to love god as much as I should
12:14 PM someone: yeah i am with you on that
12:15 PM me: It seems that I can not let myself love him because I hold on to too much here on earth.
12:16 PM I pray that God will make the things invest here less important and that I become dependent on the spirit and less dependent on anything else not from the spirit.
someone: yeah, exactly, and for me the things i find myself holding too are things that i don't even want, but i can't let it go
me: yep, i know what you mean
12:17 PM another thing for me is that there is too much "noise" at my house, not to make excuses but I feel like I need to get away
12:18 PM someone: yeah, i feel the same... not just bout my house, but bout my life in general.. but i'm scared to get away cuz... honestly i think i'm scared of being in the presence of God
12:19 PM me: Yea, i dunno what he would say to me
12:20 PM I have caught a glimpse of his presence in the past and it was very different to my image of God before
I was worshipping somewhere and I was trying to imagine what it would be like to be in front of God.
12:21 PM Before I always thought it was like a king on a throne, but I asked God to be in my presence..
12:22 PM Then I had this image, well more of a feeling like God was not just my king, but someone who just wanted to hold and embrace me
then I got this sensation and it changed my perspective on God in my life to someone who is my best friend and someone who cares infinitely for me..
12:23 PM It was pretty much awesome
12:26 PM someone: dude that is awesome... i dont' remember the last time i really embraced god's presence like tat
that
me : i don't really think i told anyone that before
12:27 PM someone: wow, thank you for sharing that with me
me: i had to test and see if it was real or if it was my imagination and i dunno never really felt like sharing before.
12:28 PM Yea there are some weird things in my past and testimony that I don't even understand yet
12:29 PM someone: yeah, i feel like the more i grow and the more i look back through my testimony, the more i realize things differently or see how that made a bigger impact than i thought
12:31 PM me: also, i think I am less evident of my growth. I am realizing it takes other people looking in to see if I am growing. I tend to focus on things I suck at and not focus on holiness and awe of God
12:32 PM someone: yep, if beating yourself up was a sport, i would be a pro for sure, I can't get past my self sometimes to be focused on God
12:33 PM me: yea doesnt it suck to be good at the wrong things
12:34 PM someone: yeah it sucks really bad
me: yep yep
12:40 PM i feel like I have another blog post coming after this discussion