Lark ascending

i feel like spiritual life should be something more



And I’m trying to make you sing
From inside where you believe
Like it’s something that you need
Like it means everything

And I’m trying to make you feel that
This is for real, that life is happening
That it means everything
I’m just trying to make you sing

This song really just speaks to me. Cause I feel like many times we take for granted the time God has given us here on Earth. We forget that everything we do everything we say should come from our purpose through Christ. Life is happening yet I feel like I am too often okay with just letting it pass by. Sometimes I just want to forget everything and do nothing but be in God's presence, to worship, to sing. I don't want life to just go on, I want to experience God, to experience His love.

Before this track on the CD, there is an interview with David Crowder and the interviewer ask David Crowder he is "Lark". As in the "Lark" is the one who is trying to lead us into worship, praise, righteousness. And he says he doesn't know he doesn't always feel that way. I feel like I am the same way. I want others to be spurred on in righteousness to learn more about God to experience Him. But in reality I am not always able or even willing to help because well I am not perfect. In reality there is only one "Lark" and I believe that is Jesus Christ

He who descended is the very one who ascended higher than all the heavens, in order to fill the whole universe. -Ephesians 4:10

Could use some prayer

Just as a disclaimer: this post is not fun for me and may sound like whining. But I didn't intentionally do it that way.

Lately, I feel like God must be just trying to grab my attention. I feel this way because not much in my life right now is going very well at all. Its like everything I have tried to do, even when I do take it to God, it just fails miserably and I have had no success in it. There must be a good reason all this crap is happening to me and maybe I am learning something. But right now all I can think of is the negative crap, which is not good at all. If God is trying to tell me something, he must be also testing to see what kind of patience I can endure. Frankly I am bitter to God right now, because like I said I have brought things to Him and I still can't see or hear what plans he has or why I am still struggling through it. Everything is in His time, and if it is in His will it will be done. But I would just like some answers.

Also, I know that most of things that relate to my ministry and its success have nothing to do with what I do really. God will work in the time and ways He wants to. As long as I am faithful to it, he will reward that. And it is not about me, it is about Him. I know these things-but I can't convince my sub-conscience that it isn't my fault the ministry is struggling. That it isn't my fault our numbers are way below what they were when I even first started leading. It just is always on my mind. And this goes with pretty much everything else in my life-if stuff isn't going well and I know that it isn't my fault, I still think to myself that there was something I did that was wrong. I struggle with this. It is not that I don't believe that God is in control or don't have faith that God will let be what is to be. It is that I doubt myself way too much.

God please let me know what it is that you are trying to tell me. Grant me patience. Grant me peace of mind that everything is in your plan and I don't have the power to change it. Holy Spirit guide me and rescue me from my despairs. I love you Jesus.

prideful heart

Then what did you go out to see? A prophet? Yes, I tell you, and more than a prophet. This is the one about whom it is written:
" 'I will send my messenger ahead of you,
who will prepare your way before you.' I tell you the truth: Among those born of women there has not risen anyone greater than John the Baptist; yet he who is least in the kingdom of heaven is greater than he. From the days of John the Baptist until now, the kingdom of heaven has been forcefully advancing, and forceful men lay hold of it. - Matthew 11:9-12 (NIV)

This passage can be confusing at first, but this is an excerpt from a commentary:

"Because such greatness is not dependent on us but on the roles God has assigned us, we must do his will humbly, seeking his honor alone. The least in the kingdom is greater than John in the sense that anyone in the kingdom has a fuller message than those who spoke beforehand. In another sense of the phrase, the least in the kingdom may also be the greatest in the kingdom, because God will evaluate us according to our faithfulness in deferring all honor to him rather than to ourselves (18:1-4)." IVP New Testament Commentary

I have been thinking about this a lot lately and recently came across this piece of scripture. I feel sometimes that I seek to be a "righteous" man for my own sake. Like for instance, usually if we pray as a leadership I don't want to say anything out loud. This is because I don't want to say anything just to say something. I would not want to just pray for the reason that other people hear me. The Holy Spirit should be the only way and reason that I am praying. Which is why I consistently ask God to make me less and Jesus more. If I allowed more of Jesus to come through me and make him more evident and me less, I would not be as prideful or seek my personal interests. I would be more in sync with the Holy Spirit and thus, the will of God.

Like in this passage, I must come to a place where I no longer am seeking righteousness for my advancement or to change me, but for the kingdom of God to be changed. I must seek his honor and his only. There should be no motive in our hearts to satisfy others more than our motive to fulfill God's mission and to bring his kingdom. The last sentence in the excerpt above is really humbling. To know that God will evaluate us according to how we give honor. Do we give it to God alone, or do we still try and seek our own honor?

Holy Spirit

So lately I've been wondering what exactly is the Holy Spirit and what does it mean for me. There are plenty of verses that have "Holy Spirit" in them but here are a few:

John 14:25-27 (New International Version) 25"All this I have spoken while still with you. 26But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. 27Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

John 16:12-16 (New International Version)
"I have much more to say to you, more than you can now bear. 13But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come. 14He will bring glory to me by taking from what is mine and making it known to you. 15All that belongs to the Father is mine. That is why I said the Spirit will take from what is mine and make it known to you.

16"In a little while you will see me no more, and then after a little while you will see me."

Hebrews 10:14-16 (New International Version)
because by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy. 15The Holy Spirit also testifies to us about this. First he says: 16"This is the covenant I will make with them after that time, says the Lord. I will put my laws in their hearts, and I will write them on their minds."

The Holy Spirit is how we continue to give God glory. Yet He is still God. I find it interesting that it says "He" in these verses and many more. It is important to note that the Holy Spirit is still God just as Jesus is God. They are different expressions. The Holy Spirit isnt just a thing, or a force. He is a person just like Jesus or the Father. This has always been difficult for me to understand but I think what all this means is that God is a team but is still one.
The Holy Spirit brings us to glorify Jesus and makes Him known to us-
Therefore I tell you that no one who is speaking by the Spirit of God says, "Jesus be cursed," and no one can say, "Jesus is Lord," except by the Holy Spirit. -Corinthians 12:3

And Jesus brings glorify the Father-
Then Jesus cried out, "When a man believes in me, he does not believe in me only, but in the one who sent me. -John 12:44

And by looking at these two verses you see can see something else. The Father sends the Holy Spirit and Jesus on his behalf. You see it is a perfect relationship. They each are God, Jesus said all authority was given to him. But as I said before the Holy Spirit is not just a thing. He loves us. He prays for us. He speaks to us. He has a will (just like God, because well he is God). And the scriptures refer to the Spirit as a person.

This is really cool to me because I can ask the Holy spirit for things and he will answer just as I would pray to God. Another thing to remember is that the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit is still ONE. We have one God in three forms that serve 3 functions. God has one will and one plan. He sends the Spirit to give us understanding and to reveal God to us. I think I need to be more in tune with the Holy Spirit if I want to see God better and to hear him. Also, I believe it is important to have a relationship with the Holy Spirit, just like we have a relationship with Jesus and the Father. But at the same time, we already do, because they are one in the same. Tough to grasp isn't it? Anyways, I am still learning what this means but I can definitely tell that the Holy Spirit is changing me and revealing things to me that I haven't seen before.

Welp, more on this later... to much for one post.