Good Convo about God's reality in my life

me: And about the God stuff, i feel the same way about certain things in my relationship with Christ. I feel alot of times that I hit a wall and can't get past it to grow any deeper.
for me I believe it is because I don't know how to love god as much as I should
12:14 PM someone: yeah i am with you on that
12:15 PM me: It seems that I can not let myself love him because I hold on to too much here on earth.
12:16 PM I pray that God will make the things invest here less important and that I become dependent on the spirit and less dependent on anything else not from the spirit.
someone: yeah, exactly, and for me the things i find myself holding too are things that i don't even want, but i can't let it go
me: yep, i know what you mean
12:17 PM another thing for me is that there is too much "noise" at my house, not to make excuses but I feel like I need to get away
12:18 PM someone: yeah, i feel the same... not just bout my house, but bout my life in general.. but i'm scared to get away cuz... honestly i think i'm scared of being in the presence of God
12:19 PM me: Yea, i dunno what he would say to me
12:20 PM I have caught a glimpse of his presence in the past and it was very different to my image of God before
I was worshipping somewhere and I was trying to imagine what it would be like to be in front of God.
12:21 PM Before I always thought it was like a king on a throne, but I asked God to be in my presence..
12:22 PM Then I had this image, well more of a feeling like God was not just my king, but someone who just wanted to hold and embrace me
then I got this sensation and it changed my perspective on God in my life to someone who is my best friend and someone who cares infinitely for me..
12:23 PM It was pretty much awesome
12:26 PM someone: dude that is awesome... i dont' remember the last time i really embraced god's presence like tat
that
me : i don't really think i told anyone that before
12:27 PM someone: wow, thank you for sharing that with me
me: i had to test and see if it was real or if it was my imagination and i dunno never really felt like sharing before.
12:28 PM Yea there are some weird things in my past and testimony that I don't even understand yet
12:29 PM someone: yeah, i feel like the more i grow and the more i look back through my testimony, the more i realize things differently or see how that made a bigger impact than i thought
12:31 PM me: also, i think I am less evident of my growth. I am realizing it takes other people looking in to see if I am growing. I tend to focus on things I suck at and not focus on holiness and awe of God
12:32 PM someone: yep, if beating yourself up was a sport, i would be a pro for sure, I can't get past my self sometimes to be focused on God
12:33 PM me: yea doesnt it suck to be good at the wrong things
12:34 PM someone: yeah it sucks really bad
me: yep yep
12:40 PM i feel like I have another blog post coming after this discussion

Purpose in Work

So I have been thinking about this a lot and actually did a campaigners lesson on purpose in work life. I was thinking one day when I was at my job. ”How is working as an engineer supposed to bring glory to God’s kingdom?” I have heard many people in my life tell me that you can spread God’s word no matter where you are and it doesn’t matter what you do that there is a need for a missionary in all areas of the world. But still I keep coming back to the thought that maybe I was meant for more and that I could be doing more effective work for the Lord. Also, I felt that if it was nothing and that it really wasn’t anything, then I would not have this strong of a feeling about it. I actually wrote my thoughts about this stuff down and left it in the old desk I used to work at.
At my plant and I’m sure at other plants as well, there is a very definite mission field with the people there. It was very obvious that the things that I love and enjoy were very different from the guys’ that I hung out with. I know I can make a difference just by loving these guys unconditionally while setting apart my behavior and attitude from theirs. Now don’t take me wrong I am not judging them, I think these guys are great, but they just have very different morals and beliefs.
So I am coming to the conclusion that is okay that I am working as an engineer and chose this career path. What I found also is that God made us to work and it should be a privilege to us. Also, whatever I do I should find a purpose in it and do it for Him not for anything else. And God can be glorified in anything if you offer it to him and seek him in the ethical and social decisions you make in the workplace. Another thing is I realized is that just because I feel like this is not doing enough, doesn’t mean that God is not pleased with what I am doing. There are many other things I discovered about this particular subject but they are written on a piece of paper in my car and it is like 19 degrees outside. So this may sound like I am rambling but this was something that I thought about for a long time and I hope that this helps anybody else who maybe had the same type of thoughts.

Passion

Why is it that I have more passion sometimes for completely useless, worldly things than increasing my relationship with the only person who will always be there and love me no matter what? This pisses me off. I don’t know why this is and I don’t really know where even to begin really to fix this. It seems that I have passion for some things for a period of time. I really have a passion for Young Life and what I do there. But sometimes it feels like my passion for Christ isn’t what it is supposed to be. This probably is the result of not persistently seeking Christ or offering my life and myself completely to him.

Passion is something you need to be successful in anything in life. Realizing this, I think it is important to remedy my lack of passion. Recently I have tried to be more persistent in my quiet times and prayer, but maybe I am just taking advantage of him and not pursuing him as if he is the one true love in my life. He is the only one that will matter in the end. It won’t really matter what I did or what I spent my time with in my life. What will really matter is how I continued to pursue Christ in my life and doing everything in my life for him and offering every decision I make to him.

I think the only way to help my situation is continue to seek and just be reminded of his love for me and love him with everything I do.

Consistency

Recently I have noticed that instead of consistently finding new ways to further God’s kingdom or seek his will I often consistently find new ways to screw up and disappoint myself. I just wish sometimes that I could continually keep doing better and not take steps back. I mean I know nobody is perfect, but at times I feel like I am just not consistently putting God before everything else like I should be. I just want people to be able to see Christ through me and to see less of me, and my faults, I want people to actually believe that following Christ is real and not just a show. I also want to be more consistent with sharing Christ to other people around me, I mean I am confident I get plenty of opportunities to do the simplest things for people and I just let it go by, consistently. I don’t even think it has to be anything big. But here’s another thing, why do I not boldly go after people and take the time to share the gospel. I realize this more and more. It is probably due to the fact we like to tell ourselves that loving other people is enough. Not to downplay the importance or the effect of doing this, but I worry a time will come to me where this will not have been enough and it will have been too late. And the chance to share Christ with that person will be passed up and gone. I would love comments on this and discussion and see what the readers of this post think.