He Reigns

Recently I listened to a Sermon on my Ipod and He reminded me that Christ lives in me. Yea duh, right? Of course, I know this but I really didn't think about it a lot. But seriously he lives in the ones who believe in Him. How foolish am I to not let him make the decisions in my life.
As if I know better than him.
As if I am more important.
As if I can go through this life on my terms.
As if I have the knowledge to do what is right and what my life was meant for.

I have always tried to seek Christ in my life and to live according to what I think God has planned for me, but to really allow my faith to cause the action of giving up my life allowing myself to become the man that God had created me to be as a man. We need God, we are not whole without God. I want to live as though I am nothing, I want people to see Christ, not me. Or at least I want to attain this attitude and to become this humble. I can not be whole without Him.

This past summer I continually would pray that I would be less and God more. I don't exactly when I stopped praying this prayer, but I feel like I can notice the difference. I need to come to the point where I no longer feel like I have to be anything besides a child of God. He will provide.

Doing the things that you don't really want to do

Recently I discovered a quality of myself that can be damaging and detrimental. When I don't really want to do something but it is necessary, I realized I just usually shut off and can not finish the task that I need to do. This is bad when I need to study or when I have a huge amount of homework due. I can not seem to get over the daunting look of these tasks. This can also get in the way with my personal relationship with Christ when I don't get the things I need to get done in time.

Then I realized that also, sometimes it is better to do these things that you don't want to do, rather than trying not to do the things that I really want to do. If there was only a way to compromise. I believe I found a way, it is better when I look for the rewards versus the work. Like right now, I don't really enjoy writing but I know it helps my thought process and writing what I am going through at the time helps me to get through it. As well as it spurs on my relationship with Christ when I surrender time for him. I am realizing that if I even read as much as 10 minutes and pray and have a very short quiet time, it is tremendously better than having a 30 minute to 1 hour one every few days. Right now I think I am learning to just surrender everything, my time, my priorities, my energy for Christ. And he doesn't punish me for this. Also, I stay out of trouble and remain closer to him the more I give and let go.

I know this may sound trivial, but seriously, surrendering everything and trusting Him is what can finally move past this spiritual wall I have felt that I have been up against for a while. The wall I am referring to is me not really feeling like I have been growing very much. Even though I have been doing quiet times and things, I have not felt like Jesus has moved closer in my heart. This is why I must give up things and time for Him. I am really excited about this and I don't really know what that is going to look like, I just feel like I need to recognize that Jesus LIVES in me and in the people around me and just let Him be more prevalent and influential in my life.

Owned by God

I realized last week that I kinda enjoy getting owned by God. Chances are good that if you are reading this you know what contact work is. So last week and this week I really did not feel like I had the time or the energy to go to the school. Honestly, when it comes down do it I just think I didn't want to go. But, I went anyways because that's what we do and I believe God has called me into this ministry for a purpose. Anyways, I go on Monday's, Tuesdays, and Fridays. Last Monday I go and it was after a really long day in school and I was exhausted and I just went.... When I got there, I saw a few of the guys I know but don't see very often and actually had a chance to talk to them. This is good, because at Oak Hills the kids are so numerous I feel like it is hard to follow up sometimes and track down that one kid. It was good to be able to remind them that Young Life still exists and show them that I enjoy being around them. This happened again on the following Tuesday and Friday, in fact now I know where to go to see these guys every time I come so now I can talk to them every time I am there which is pretty sweet.

Then another thing also happened that week, I was walking to my car when this group of kids that I am walking by yell, "Hey, that's a sweet shirt, man!" I don't even remember what shirt it was but I am pretty sure it wasn't that sweet but they liked it. So I got to talk to them a little and do the contact work thing and went on my way. Then, Friday, the same group of kids are there again and tell me "Hey, dude, where do you get all your cool t-shirts?" I mean I'm not just trying to be humble but again I wasn't wearing anything special, but the kids wanted to talk to me again so I got some follow-up. In fact they really wanted to see me this Monday so they could see the shirt I was wearing. This is strange to me, but not completely unbelievable. God shows me that he uses small and seemingly insignificant things to further and advance his will. I would have never guessed that my shirt I put on that day would help me in my contact work. But God did.

In both of these instances God showed me that I don't have control. I don't necessarily go to the school because I like to go, but because it works and God uses my time there and will use whatever he wants to to fulfill his will. He can use things that I would never even think of at all or even use our weaknesses to further his gospel. I feel like God just owned me because yea, I showed up, but he showed up even more so and he made me realize I do this for its effect on people and his ministry and not for me.

Reading scripture (convicted)

Recently, I have realized how I read the Bible. Reading the Bible is about the only book I read besides textbooks, so I do enjoy diving into scripture. When it comes to reading it in context, I think it is best to read the bible in the context of a person who is loved by God unconditionally and eternally. But lately I realized that I don't really do this.

Most of the time whenever I read a passage, from either the old testament or the new testament, I always place myself in the spot of the character who screwed up or who is wrong in their actions. When there is no bad guy in the passage I usually constantly try and search for something that I am doing wrong and pray about it and try to come up with ways to change it. I am just realized that this is not great for my relationship with Christ. It is important to look at scripture as a testament to God's love for us. When one reads the Bible, they should look at the characteristics of God that the passage demonstrates. In response to this we should fall more in love with Christ and increase in our relationship this way.

Alot of times I feel like I read scripture and it just shows me how much I am screwing up or what I unplowed ground that I need to break up. This is not always bad. Being convicted from scripture is good and it directs us back on the path toward a life that is headed for righteousness. But in order for my relationship with Christ to truly grow it is necessary for me to also see how great God is and look at his grace and accept his love and love him all the more as I get to know him.