Something more

Do ever feel like you are stuck in the mediocrity of your spirituality? I do. I feel like sometimes quiet times, and even just prayer is just not enough. Sometimes I crave for something more, to feel the presence of God, to hear Him. But then other times I just wish I had more of a craving of all of these things.

I just feel like there is supposed to be more to my relationship with Christ then quiet times and bible studies. I wish I felt the Holy Spirit more often and could discern exactly what it is that the Lord wants me to do. I want to be in tune with the Holy Spirit. To want the same things that God wants for me. To love all of His people. At the same time I want to understand more about the Holy Spirit and what it means, its role and how it works. Why is that sometimes I feel as if Christ is distant and I can not feel his presence or hear Him, but other times I am overwhelmed by his grace and love.

There are definitely times when I do feel His presence and hear his voice, but right now I can not hear him. I can not see Him clearly. I want to truly feel Him more often. I do not like being distant. It makes me feel like I am most likely doing something wrong. The Bible says “those who seek me shall find me”. I am seeking Him, but maybe I am just impatient, maybe I am sub-consciously ignoring His words because I don't like what He is telling me. One thing is for sure I need to figure that one out for sure. Maybe it is because I have just grown numb because of all the fluff in my life that is not necessarily leading me to the truth. Maybe I need a challenge, maybe He is charging me serve Him.

Also, why is sometimes I am okay with mediocrity in my spirituality? This is not okay either for the devil works in our idleness and I have definitely witnessed that in the past and do not want that to repeat.

Lord, forgive my fickleness. Allow me to truly want more of You in my life. Holy Spirit, work through me, guide me. Show me how to learn, show me how to teach, show me how to discern, show me how to Love. I know I want more of you in my life, I know I need more of You in my life. I may not always want that, but right now I am ready for You. I am ready for me to be less and You to be more. I want people to see You through me. I truly do love You, Lord. Even though I may not act or even speak like I do, but I do I really really do.