its been awhile

So I don't know exactly when this happened but after I have stopped praying consistently early in the morning, I feel like I have not felt close to God. Doing the early morning thing with Jesus was great and I am not sure what initiated this to stop. My time with Christ was rich and I felt like the Holy Spirit was really working in me.

Now, I feel like I have not had Christ in my mind nearly as much as it was while I was doing this. My heart needs to be changed. Also, I can see myself doing things that I should not be doing, like getting short-tempered with my parents. I feel like I am not doing good right now and I want to be rich in Christ again. I want him to all of my thoughts to consume me and my intentions. Also, as a result of this, I want to be able to help others and encourage others to see Christ more clearly.

The Holy Spirit is in us all, I just need to let it work more in my life and stop relying so much on myself. Christ is the only thing that I need, yet why am I so inclined to fill my life with this other stuff or in place of Him? One of my worst fears is that I will not be able to hear the Holy Spirit in the times I need Christ the most. But, then again, I don't believe God will let this happen. As I said before, I need God to change my heart in everything I do so that I am doing everything for Him.