Lark ascending

i feel like spiritual life should be something more



And I’m trying to make you sing
From inside where you believe
Like it’s something that you need
Like it means everything

And I’m trying to make you feel that
This is for real, that life is happening
That it means everything
I’m just trying to make you sing

This song really just speaks to me. Cause I feel like many times we take for granted the time God has given us here on Earth. We forget that everything we do everything we say should come from our purpose through Christ. Life is happening yet I feel like I am too often okay with just letting it pass by. Sometimes I just want to forget everything and do nothing but be in God's presence, to worship, to sing. I don't want life to just go on, I want to experience God, to experience His love.

Before this track on the CD, there is an interview with David Crowder and the interviewer ask David Crowder he is "Lark". As in the "Lark" is the one who is trying to lead us into worship, praise, righteousness. And he says he doesn't know he doesn't always feel that way. I feel like I am the same way. I want others to be spurred on in righteousness to learn more about God to experience Him. But in reality I am not always able or even willing to help because well I am not perfect. In reality there is only one "Lark" and I believe that is Jesus Christ

He who descended is the very one who ascended higher than all the heavens, in order to fill the whole universe. -Ephesians 4:10

God Convo's

A friend of mine were talking the other day about well God, hence the title of this post. But they mentioned to me that even though they have many Christian friends, they don't really talk about spiritual things that often. It got me thinking, and I realized that in my own life this is true too. Conversations about God don't happen too often. I have realized that most of my conversations of my spiritual life usually don't come up outside of bible studies or when stuff is pretty crappy and I need some spiritual guidance and support.

Why is it that, if we are God's children and everything we do should give glory to God, that we do not talk about Him often? Should He not consume our lives? Have we become less confident in our identity in Christ? Or maybe on a more positive note: maybe we have become so intimate in Christ that we need to be in a more intimate setting such as a bible study to really explain what God is doing. But if that is the case why do we get sarcastic all the time and rip on each other for little things. Those things don't bring the kingdom of God any closer. (Notice: I say “we” because I am definitely guilty of these things.)

I wish this would change, I realize it will not happen at once. But I want me and the people around me to be able and want to speak freely of their spiritual lives.

Something more

Do ever feel like you are stuck in the mediocrity of your spirituality? I do. I feel like sometimes quiet times, and even just prayer is just not enough. Sometimes I crave for something more, to feel the presence of God, to hear Him. But then other times I just wish I had more of a craving of all of these things.

I just feel like there is supposed to be more to my relationship with Christ then quiet times and bible studies. I wish I felt the Holy Spirit more often and could discern exactly what it is that the Lord wants me to do. I want to be in tune with the Holy Spirit. To want the same things that God wants for me. To love all of His people. At the same time I want to understand more about the Holy Spirit and what it means, its role and how it works. Why is that sometimes I feel as if Christ is distant and I can not feel his presence or hear Him, but other times I am overwhelmed by his grace and love.

There are definitely times when I do feel His presence and hear his voice, but right now I can not hear him. I can not see Him clearly. I want to truly feel Him more often. I do not like being distant. It makes me feel like I am most likely doing something wrong. The Bible says “those who seek me shall find me”. I am seeking Him, but maybe I am just impatient, maybe I am sub-consciously ignoring His words because I don't like what He is telling me. One thing is for sure I need to figure that one out for sure. Maybe it is because I have just grown numb because of all the fluff in my life that is not necessarily leading me to the truth. Maybe I need a challenge, maybe He is charging me serve Him.

Also, why is sometimes I am okay with mediocrity in my spirituality? This is not okay either for the devil works in our idleness and I have definitely witnessed that in the past and do not want that to repeat.

Lord, forgive my fickleness. Allow me to truly want more of You in my life. Holy Spirit, work through me, guide me. Show me how to learn, show me how to teach, show me how to discern, show me how to Love. I know I want more of you in my life, I know I need more of You in my life. I may not always want that, but right now I am ready for You. I am ready for me to be less and You to be more. I want people to see You through me. I truly do love You, Lord. Even though I may not act or even speak like I do, but I do I really really do.

Sister

My sister is just awesome. I don't know who I would be without her in my life. When everyone thinks of what a big sister should be like, there is no doubt that Myra Denise Johnson should be what they should see. Dave Matthews made a song about his sister and I though it was just awesome the actual song is about 1 min 45 sec in:

Passing time with you in mind
It’s another quiet night
Feel the ground against my back
Counting stars against the black

Think about another day
Wishing I was far away
Wherever I dreamed I was
You were there with me


Sister, I hear you laugh
My heart fills full up
Keep me please
Sister, when you cry
I feel your tears
Running down my face
Sister, sister, keep me

I hope you always know it’s true
I would never make it through
You could make the sun go DARK
Just by walking away

Playing like we used to play
Like it would never go away
I feel you beating in my chest
I’d be dead without

Anytime I have gone through a rough time, she has always been there for me. The thing is my sister and I can be very different at times but at the same time, we are very similar. We both see the problem and dwell on it until it becomes almost unbearable. Its like we envelope our thoughts around it, and keep wrapping it and wrapping it until it has become so big that it is all our mind is capable of thinking about at the time. This is definitely a type of obsessive compulsive thing but it is how I work. So when things are tough, she knows exactly what I am doing and keeps me in check with that and helps to calm me down. Its like she knows what she needs to tell me for me to purge my obsessiveness. She lets me take the problem and let it be released and really see it from outside instead of looking at it from the inside out. This most likely will not make sense to anyone except those who do the same thing.

Tuesday night, Myra fell on the ice outside of our apartment on her way to work. She came back in and immediately I was shocked. Her entire face was covered in blood and it really scared me. I first did not know what happened. The worst thing is that I could not do much for her. I gave her some ice but could not find any bandages. I just felt like I couldn't do much to take care of her. And it really made me feel kinda helpless. Not to mention she was in severe pain. And just seeing her in that much pain was really hard on me.

The point is I really love my sister and can't imagine what I would do without her. Next year, she plans on moving to Boston to fulfill her career plans. I am excited for her to do this and I am very proud of her. But I still can't help but wonder what it will be like to not have her here. Still though, she is only a phone call away so I can't worry that much. Plus, Boston isn't that far away anyways and it gives me a reason to go up and visit Boston and New England. And that isn't until next August anyways, so I will deal with it when it happens.